Tiger Woods and the BMW
Tiger Woods was on tour in Ireland and had rented a fabulous BMW for a relaxing spin around the famous green island, and he was on his way back to on the early morning of the first day of the Irish Open at Victor Hills.
In the country side where nothing but green pastures and wooly sheep were to be seen, he suddenly discovered that he was running out of gas.
- "Oh shit... let it be enough to get me back to civilization." he said on a long winding downhill stretch, as the engine suddenly quit. - "Oh- shit- oh- shit- oh- shit," he kept mumbling to himself as his BMW slowly finally came to a near halt as the road flattened out. But then, just around the final bend, was an old garage, and he came to a stand still next to an old gasoline pump.
- " Hey-hey... was that an eagle!" he hollered happily as he stepped out of the car, as an old mechanic came out of the garage came wiping some grease from his hands, - "Good mornin' ta' yea young lad... wha' can'a do ferr'yea?"
- "I'm out of gas," Tiger Woods said, "you got some on this rustic old pump here?"
- "Yes," was the old mans short answer as he went over to release the tap handle, and Tiger Woods bent over to twist off the lid on the gas filling. When doing that, two golf tees dropped out of his shirt pocket, and the garage owner picked them up, looking at them with curiosity.
The old man was no golf player, and neither did he have the faintest idea that he had one of the best golf players ever in front of him.
- What arr these tiny things?" he asked as he handed them
over to Tiger Woods.
- " These are called tees," Tiger Woods said, "and my balls
are rested on these when I tee off."
The old man looked at him for a while, before he slowly nodded and shooked his head, saying with amazement,
-"My oh my!... small sticks for the tee off!.... those BMW people think of ev'rything, don't they!?"
After Tiger Woods had his car accident on Nov. 27, 2009 The Times made a listing over the 10. best Wood-jokes, and here they are:
1. «Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.»
2. «What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.»
3. «Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning. It was Woods' shortest drive since an errant tee shot at the US Open.»
4. «What was Tiger Woods doing out at 2.30 in the morning? He'd gone clubbing.»
5. «Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.»
6. «Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?»
7. «This is the first time Tiger’s ever failed to drive 300 yards.»
8. «Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.»
9. «Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash. He's still below par though.»
10. «Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.»
My daughter, Lena, sent me this picture of Mr. Tiger Woods and his wife Elin, taken just two days after the car accident, and which serves as irrefutable proof of the two of them being back to all smiles.
-"The stitches will be out in a couple of weeks," Mr, Woods told my daughter, but quickly added with a lisp, "The golf ball in my left ear though, shall have to remain, as it has become an integral part of my brain."
But... the latest news on the Tiger Woods accident reveals that mr. Woods has been spending quite a bit of money on hookers lately, and two US news channels report the following:
Fox News and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren Woods moved to the top of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday after 'beating' the world's number one golfer. The news came after the world's number one golfer inadvertently played several wrong holes...
Has his wife Elin beaten him ?