- "Why on earth did you and Bertha break up after some thirty years of marriage Oscar?"
- "Ahh... Brandulph... I don't know... there were lots of reasons I guess... in fact, there were problems from day one i guess. You know, I wasn't at all ready for getting into marriage back then... but you know... Bertha got pregnant... and so we married. But you know... I didn't want to give up my life together with all you bachelor guys either, and hence I told her plainly the first night, after coming home from our honeymoon; - Bertha!... listen carefully to what I tell you now. We have to set some rules for our marriage. I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing, when I want, with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules... any comments? And Brandy!... you know what she fired back at me?... No, that's fine with me Oscar. Just understand one thing... there will be sex here at ten o'clock every night... whether you're here or not! Well buddy... I guess I knew already then, that I had married the wrong woman... but you know... she was pregnant."
- "Come on Oscar!... after rubbing in a macho outburst like that... what the heck?... no wonder that she got upset!... and after all... you went on to have six kids together!... it can't have been all that bad?... in fact... I never ever heard her grumble when we took off for a week-end with the other guys!... you had your freedom."
- "Nahh... yeah... I guess you're right... and in fact... I was bloody proud of her giving birth to our six kids... which also was why I so often fondly called her "Mother of Six". Something she for some reason or other hated that I called her... especially in front of others . And that Brandy, does in fact have something to do with our final breaking up... and I'll tell you why.
We had been married some 25. years when this particular incidence took place. She had joined me to a heart surgeons conference in London, and at the dinner party the last night, I called to her accross the ballroom, where she was in conversation with some ladies, -Shall we get home Mother of Six? It was getting rather late, and we had to catch an early morning plane out of Heathrow the next day. Anyway, you know what she hollered back at me accross the room Brandy?... Anytime you're ready!... Father of Four!
-"Come on Oscar!... you don't really believe that!?
- "I don't know buddy... I don't know. You see, after coming home, I suddenly recalled one morning, after Christian was born, when we for some reason... which I can't remember, had one hell of a fight at breakfast. It made me get up in a rage hollering, - "And you are no bloody good in bed either! " as I rushed out of the house.
Arriving at the hospital though, I realized that I had been pretty nasty, and called her to appologize for my bad behaviour. After a rather long time, she finally picked up the phone, and a bit irritated I said, - "What took you so bloody long to answer the phone?" And... you know what Bertha answered Brandy? She answered, - "I was in bed." It was bloody quarter to ten in the morning Brandulph!... quarter to ten!... so I said, - "In bed?... quarter to ten in the morning?...doing what?" Shit man!... you know what she answered Brandy?... she told me in a rather scorning way, - "I'm getting a second opinion doctor!"... and then she hung up on me!
- "Oh shit Oscar!... did you rush home to check her up?... she was just pulling your leg Oscar?"
- "I don't know... I couldn't get away... I had to perform open heart surgery at ten, so there was no chance to get away from the hospital, but it really pissed me off you know... it really did... and god knows what has taken place over the years, when we've been on our hunting and fishing trips or on a long weekend with some of the other guys... and the late poker nights... and the sailing trips... I don't know buddy. Then came our 30th wedding anniversary, which started with a bitter quarrel over something which I no longer remember, but which really made me upset. Anyway, I left the house yelling at her, When you die Bertha, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, - Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.
And... that was it Brandy!... you see... as I backed the car out of the garage, she was hanging out of the window screaming at the top of her voice, And when you die Oscar, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, - Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last! I never returned after that Brandy... never... shit... let's have another Guinness... and by the way...Brandy!... I met this gorgeous true blond over at Hotel Cactus last night...
Oscar and I were down on the corner, enjoying a couple of Guinness the other day, when I asked him why he and Bertha divorced after some thirty years of marriage.