The 2012 Collection # 5.
The 2012 Collection # 5.
but how about checking out some older Brandulph stuff ?
More to come!
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "-What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, -"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly, -"Quick, son... go get your Mother."
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go into that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs, "Your badge... Show him your badge!!"
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
Dad shouts ....."STOP WATCHIN PORN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching porn, Pa!..... That is Maria Sharapova playing tennis!
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
Four english friends were stranded in a desert when suddenly one of them died.
The other three decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
- "I support Liverpool,” said John, “so I'll eat his liver."
- "I support Manchester” said Peter, “ so I'll eat his chest."
The third guy didn’t say anything for a while, so the other two looked at him and asked, - "And you, harry?” - “Ahhh… well,” Harry finally said, “I support Arsenal,
but I'm not very hungry just now!"
An elderly redneck came into a gun shop to buy a hand gun.
- “I want a pistol.”
- “Well, sir, make your choice from this wall.”
- “I want that big one!”
- “A 44 Magnum, sir? And, may I ask for what purpose?”
- “For shooting cans.”
- “For shooting cans, sir, may I suggest a smaller caliber?”
- “No, I want that big one there.”
- “And what kind of cans will you shoot at, sir?”
- “Ah... well… mostly Mexicans, Puertoricans and Africans... “
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said,
-"I love you".
-"Is that you or the beer talking" my wife asked me
-"It's me!" I said, "I'm talking to the beer!"
A young man asks his father, -"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers: -"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.... and after fifty, they are like onions."
-"Yes, son, see them and they make you cry."
-"Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happines and peace into people lives?" the teacher asked her class, and from the back a voice answered,
-"Smoking", Drinking and Fucking"
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, "Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?" To this the old man replied, "Yeah,I f*cked a peahen once and I'm wondering if you are my son."
A divorce court judge said to the husband,
-"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
-"That's very fair, your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says,
-"This is the pig I've been f*cking!"
-"That's a duck, you silly turd!" his wife says, to which the man quickly replied,
-"I wasn't talking to you!"
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd, when the Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said,
-"Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
-"I seriously doubt that, Your Holiness!... With one little wave of your hand?... Show me!"
So the Pope slapped her.
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, -"Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, -"Who is it?"
-"Blind man!" a male voice answered. The nuns look at each other, then one nun says,
-"He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt?" so, they let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, -"Hey, nice tits... nice butts too! Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"